I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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