I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
