ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
