Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
