a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
