I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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