Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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