I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh god it's open bar.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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