Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
