Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
