i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
