I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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