she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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