I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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