my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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