1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
