My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
