community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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