I just saw a hot homeless man
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
