you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
