its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I had to cum in my sink.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
