Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
