Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
