There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
