I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
