watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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