she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
