I accidentally burped into my bong.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
