These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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