just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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