His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The Olympian is in my bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
