Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
