i don't like sucking hair
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
