dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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