Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
