it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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