Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
