Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am available for nakedness
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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