Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
