Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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