..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
