so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
