Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
