Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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