we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
