You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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