chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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