dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
