what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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