i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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