The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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