great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize