I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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