every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize