My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
