Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
two words...techno handjob
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
