i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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