Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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