so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
