I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize