No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I need help removing her.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
