I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
