its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
