Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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