4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
