First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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